3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
