I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize