I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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