i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
