OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
