she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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