i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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