I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
