Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
