paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
this hospital has no fireball
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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