How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
