he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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