I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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