TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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