I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
