he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
