That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
