Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
