you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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