just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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