i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize