our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
