No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
