I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
