i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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