I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
