It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
