I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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