I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
