So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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