Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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