So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
