That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
