just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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