Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
