matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
