I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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