You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
