a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
