That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
