Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
