i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We're too hungover to prance.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
