Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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