Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
