i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize