Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
