i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
