Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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