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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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