I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
