You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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