My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
