Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
