I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
