What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
