Say something about gay babies.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
