Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have feelings that need drinking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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