i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
