Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize