Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
