Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
