mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i've created a new STD.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
