The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
