The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
