I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
