Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
