Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
