the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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