dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
