I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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