My room smells like vodka and shame
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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