i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
