dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
