WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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