i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
only you would photoshop your dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
