as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
