I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
