We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
