My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
