if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize